I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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