i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am naked and annoyed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
