I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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