2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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