im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
