Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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