Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
