Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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