i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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