made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
