You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
