I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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