You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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