It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
