after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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