Cold hands, warm shart.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
