i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
