so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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