You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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