Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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