you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
