i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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