so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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