He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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