We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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