Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize