If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
