Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That Theyâ€™ll Regret Forever
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesnâ€™t Understand
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt