I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl