I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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