And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.