felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
