I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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