Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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