If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
