I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
