my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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