Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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