just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
