why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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