my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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