I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
