letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
