I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize