my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
