we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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