wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
