she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
