P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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