and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my being single is dangerous.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
