This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
