so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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