In the future we'll all be gay
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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