Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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