the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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