what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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