just tell him i said nine months
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
