so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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