I feel great
I just peed on a car
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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