she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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