Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
