You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
