wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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