I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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