The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
