My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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