i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize