so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
