i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
