my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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