I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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