It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
