Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
