I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
