I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize