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In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
